Yesterday evening, I went to visit President Mighty Mouth, who had gone to New York for a brief visit before returning to Washington, D.C., to issue a stack of executive orders and to look very presidential. He let me know that he had a pressing engagement and that the interview would have to be brief.
Me: Tell me how it feels to be President Mouth?
The President: It feels fabulous. I have given the power back to the people. Our government is being controlled by the people now.
Me: Which people?
The President: The people. Just that. The people. Hey, are you from a Fake News outlet? You aren’t with CNN, are you?
Me: No. What are your highest priorities as president?
The President: Jobs. I got a job. I’m really happy.
Me: Yes. Congratulations. What…
(The Kellyannebot bursts into the room and barely avoids a collision with President Mighty Mouth.)
Kellyannebot: This man is not the president. The president was kidnapped by space aliens before the inauguration. This man is not the president. The president…
The President: You need reprogramming. Could you go get me some coffee? And get yourself reprogrammed at the same time.
Kellyannebot: I don’t know how this man got here. He is not the real president. He is not the real president. He is not the…
(The Kellyannebot departs.)
Me: What’s that about? Could there be some truth to that?
The President: None at all. The people are in charge. Human people. Not aliens. We are securing our borders. We are bringing back our wealth. We are bringing back our dreams.
Me: Do you mean nightmares? Like the monster under the bed type nightmares?
The President: No. Dreams. Dreams of an impervious border. No more of those terrible Mexicans. No Canadian women who are attempting to join women’s marches.
Me: Tell me more.
The President: No, I have to go now. My secret service guys are coming to take me to my next appointment. I get to ride in a big limousine with lots of secret service guys. This is the most fun that I’ve ever had in my life. I can scarcely believe that I get to have all of this fun.
Me: Sort of like the dog that caught the car.
The President: You can come with me, but only if you promise not to tell the Fake News People.
Me (thinking): What an odd security breach, but OK, I’m up for it.
(I am invited to ride in a very small car in the motorcade. In fact, it is a 2016 Smart Coupe. Before long, we have arrived at Rockefeller Center. I follow the President and the Secret Service inside. The President gets on the stage and the audience applauds wildly.)
President Mighty Mouth: Yesterday, history was made. I was inaugurated as the United States’ 45th president. It was such a fabulous experience. It was really huge to know that so many Americans love me that much. I felt the love when I see the many thousands applauding for me. I felt the love when I saw how ordinary Americans wept when I told them that I had given the power back to them. It will be a new day for all Americans. Yesterday was the day when the power finally reverted to the people. The forgotten people are forgotten no longer. America is first forever. We are first every day. We are first every night. And mostly, we are first on Saturday night because…
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT IS SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!
(Me, in the audience: What the heck just happened? Was the Kellyannebot right? Was Mighty Mouth kidnapped by space aliens? Could our president be….
To. Be. Continued. When. You. Least. Expect. It.