Idiotically regulating animals (aka stupid laws)

Today, I am sharing some stupid laws that are actually on the books in the United States. The laws seem moronic, but what makes me even more amused is my efforts to figure out exactly how these mindless regulations are enforced. I hope that you are as amused by these laws as I am.

Here are some words from Zoe, an expert in human behavior: “MEOW, MEOW, MEEEEEE-OWWWWWW!”
Um. We might need the statement to be translated. OK. Got the translation. Zoe said, “Stupid human is redundant. You just have to say ‘human.’ The ‘stupid’ is implied. Do not forget the superiority of the smarter species, namely Cat.”

Now for the stupid laws:
Alabama: It’s illegal to open an umbrella on the street, for fear of spooking a horse.
Alaska: Flamingos are not allowed in barber shops.
Arizona: It is illegal to ride your horse up the steps of the county courthouse in Prescott.
Arkansas: In Little Rock, it is illegal for dogs to bark after 6 p.m. (why am I visualizing cops roaming the streets of Little Rock, with piles of dog treats in their pockets???)
California: It is illegal for animals to mate publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or house of worship. (the cops don’t have animal aphrodisiacs in their pockets…)
Colorado: In Denver, it is illegal to mistreat rats (hence, the Rat Patrol).
Connecticut: In Hartford, it is illegal to educate dogs (but the dog ate my homework!)
Georgia: It is illegal to keep a donkey in the bathtub.
Idaho: You may not fish on a camel’s back. Boise residents also may not fish from a giraffe’s back.
Indiana: It is illegal to pass a horse on the street.
Iowa: It is against the law for horses to eat fire hydrants.
Kansas: Having a bee in your hat is illegal.
Kentucky: In Fort Thomas, dogs may not molest cars.
Louisiana: You could end up in prison for ten years for stealing an alligator.
Maryland: In Baltimore, it is illegal to take a lion to the movies (live theater is OK for the lion and, maybe, the human, too).
Massachusetts: Gorillas are not permitted on the back seat of a car (I suppose the driver’s seat would be a good spot, instead).
Michigan: It is illegal to permit your pig to run around in Detroit, unless it has a ring in its nose.
Minnesota: It is illegal for people to cross state lines with ducks on top of their heads (stick to chickens).
Missouri: In Natchez, it is illegal to serve alcohol or other intoxicants to elephants.
Montana: In Billings, it is illegal to raise pet rats.
Nebraska: It is illegal to go whale hunting. (there are whales in Nebraska???)
Nevada: It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
New Jersey: It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
North Carolina: It is illegal to use elephants to plow cotton fields.
Ohio: It is illegal to get fish drunk. (don’t let the fish drink like a fish.)
Oklahoma: Fish may not be contained in a fish bowl on a public bus.
Pennsylvania: You may not catch a fish with your hands.
South Carolina: It is illegal to keep a horse in the bathtub. (unlike Georgia, South Carolina has not banned keeping a donkey in the bathtub).
South Dakota: Horses are not permitted in the Fountain Inn, unless they are wearing pants.
Tennessee: Stealing a horse in punishable by hanging.
Texas: It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
Utah: When you are on horseback, it is illegal to fish.
Vermont: At one time, it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
Virginia: In Culpeper, it is illegal to wash a mule on the sidewalk. In Norfolk, you are not permitted to spit on a seagull.
Washington: It is illegal to harass Bigfoot, Sasquatch, or any other unidentified subspecies. All violators will be fined and/or imprisoned.
West Virginia: In Alderson, it is illegal to walk a lion, tiger, or leopard, even on a leash.
Wyoming: You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit.

3 thoughts on “Idiotically regulating animals (aka stupid laws)”

  1. Bethany Lotulelei

    Ha ha! These are so hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh. I am from Nebraska, so I better learn how to curb my whale hunting ASAP. 😉

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