Ten really stupid laws

Every now and then, I write about laws that come across as so absurd, it’s amazing that any lawmakers were able to put them on the books without howling with laughter. As the job of a lawmaker doesn’t always include howling with laughter, I can understand why the comic relief would be necessary. But imagine if you were charged with a stupid law and you had to go to court, where you found that your attorney, the prosecutor, the judge, and even the bailiff couldn’t control their laughter over your most absurd case. How would you know whether you were guilty or not guilty if the judge was squealing with laughter while rendering a verdict?

So here is a list of ten idiotic laws that might set your judge to hysterical fits of laughter:

  1. Moose-related laws in Alaska. There are a few, so I am grouping them together. First off, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. That’s probably because mooses? meese? are rather large. Who wants to watch a moose binge drink and run around in a drunken state? And hiccup? How loud can a moose hiccup? But most moose aren’t in the bar, getting inebriated. So does that mean that you have to hunt a moose down to bring that moose into the bar? I don’t know but it is illegal to whisper something in the ear of someone who is hunting a moose. No sweet little nothings. No words are to be whispered to someone on that moose hunt. And, once you’ve  caught that moose, you’re going to need to transport it somewhere. Maybe to the bar where you’re not allowed to get it inebriated. But keep in mind that, if you transport it on an airplane, it is illegal to push it out of the airplane. Yep. Illegal. That’s right. You cannot jettison a moose from a jet. Even if the moose is drunk.
  2. Churches in Alabama. It’s very important to behave properly in Alabama’s churches. In fact, bad behavior is illegal. For example, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache in church because that might provoke laughter. As we know, one must NEVER laugh in church for any reason whatsoever. I myself would never consider laughing in church. Especially if I saw someone wearing a fake mustache. Nope. I am very serious. Super serious. I put the S in Serious. But I digress. Seriously. Oh, and there is one more. And it is Serious. You are not to disguise yourself as a priest, especially one wearing a fake mustache that causes people to laugh in church.
  3. Rules of the road in Ohio. It is very important to follow the rules of the road. Here are a few of the Most Important Rules of the Road in Ohio. It is illegal for a dog to urinate on a parking meter. In other words, the time that you take in paying for your parking spot is not the right time to give your dog a potty break. What else? The person sitting on your lap is not allowed to operate a motor vehicle. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t scare a horse while you’re driving. That’s… illegal!!!
  4. Theatrical productions in New York. Theatrical productions must be regulated in a state that boasts a Broadway, an off-Broadway, an off-off Broadway and a Broadway that is so off-Broadway that it is in Buffalo. And speaking about productions that are really off Broadway, you could end up in jail for 30 days if you present a puppet show from your window. (I don’t know what happens if you present a puppet show from your jail cell.) It is also illegal to start any public performance of show before 1:05 p.m. Especially if it is a puppet show from your window.
  5. Laws in a town that might have more letters than people in Wales. By the time that you are six years old, you are required by law to be able to spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Yep. I think that there is something like sixty letters. I don’t know. I lost count. And not only do you have to spell it, you have to be able to pronounce it by the time that you are thirty-four years old. Of course, some people cheat by calling it Llanfair. But is that fair?
  6. Running in Iceland. Relax. Don’t run too frantically. It’s illegal to complete a marathon in Iceland in under three and a half hours. But who does that? 
  7. The regulation of music in Washington, D.C. First of all, it is illegal to whistle in the bathroom. And there will be no dueling accordians. No facility that offers musical entertainment is permitted to set up a band that features more than one accordian. Remember that, you accordian fans! If you like hearing an accordian chorus, you might not want to go to Washington, D.C. And, since it is illegal to take pictures nonstop for more than five minutes, the accordian chorus won’t even get properly photographed.
  8. Operating motor vehicles in Germany. It is illegal to run out of gas while you are driving on the autobahn. Save that running out of gas and pushing your car thing for other roads. Of course, since there are no speed limits on the autobahn, you should be able to get off the road fast when you notice that your gas gauge is getting dangrously close to “empty.”
  9. Dental care in Russia. It is illegal to brush your teeth more than twice a day in Russia. So watch out for cops’ peering into your mouth and discovering that your teeth are unusually clean! You could try to confuse the cops by speaking to them in a foreign language, but be careful about which language you choose. It is illegal to use more than four English words in a sentence in Russia. Especially when your teeth are unusually clean.
  10. Jury duty in Oregon: It is illegal to require a dead person to serve on a jury in Oregon. So don’t worry. If you’re on trial in Oregon, the juror who looks dead is just sleeping. Listen for the snores.
In the comments section below, please feel free to add more stupid laws!!!!

8 thoughts on “Ten really stupid laws”

  1. What a great post! Especially the law about giving alcohol to a moose. That is so funny – I mean, who would get close enough to a moose to share a beer with it? You’ve made me want to take a look at some of our outdated laws here in Australia. I’ll let you know if I find any…

  2. pamtheamericandogrunner

    Ok, now I just want to go to Ohio with my dog- which honestly would give my best friend a heart attack because me leaving NY to visit him in Ohio would be WOW! I think I'd have to be charged more with manslaughter in this case- but be called into court for my dog urinating on a parking meter! That would be stupid! And as I am driving I'd have to keep my dogs quiet as can be so as not to spook the horses?!?!!?WHAT!?!?!??!

    Theatrical productions in NY? Now does that also apply to doing YouTube videos in NY? Am I going to be brought up on charges if I do a pupchat on Youtube every week? Where would it end? But the person in NJ or California can do as they please? WHAT?

    Yeah, I get the stupid laws out there!

    Running In Iceland? Okay, I know I have friends who can run a marathon in under 3:30 hours, but I need that extra 20 minutes! Wait, judge, that person tripped me and I knew I had to keep going to the end, no one would help me! I guess They figure ICE land need to keep warm…..but most runners do run between 4 and 5 hours! HELLO?

    Oh, I can come up with some stupid local laws around here!

    The sad part of it all, I can see both sides of the STUPIDITY they make laws! And unfortunately, they usually protect the bad people, and the bad get away with things!

    Anyway…..don't get me started, as I try to follow all the rules around, and the moment I break a rule I get caught, while others break those rules all the time.
    For instance, the school around the corner doesn't allow dogs on the property ok. I get it, well one day I thought the school was still on vacation from Christmas/ WInter break. No one was in the schoolyard so I walked my dogs (ready to pick up after them, etc Saw no one as I walked the paths with my dogs on leash. As I came up to the window, I saw some kid waving at my dogs and myself, so I immediately turned and started walking back. Ok, now a week ago- someone was stabbed about a mile away in broad daylight- right? Keep this in mind! Now, I am one to follow the rules and I was going to walk out of the yard, but a man who saw I was a female came walking after me shouting at me. HELLO! Are you aware of things that went on. Besides the fact I am a veteran- listen for my dog tags jingle jangle!?!?! He was coming at me with distain- doing his job or not, he should have thought, I could have given someone a heart attack! When I turned back to go out the other entrance – as I bypaseed the one I came in. (Ok, I tested the waters there! BUT NO ONE ELSE was in the yard, even the geese stayed in the field!) Until my dogs walked passed them a second time! ANYWAY, I HOPE HE STEPS IN GEESE POOP EVERY DAY! I ended walking off the property unallowed to walk back and back home! I had to walk around making my walk twice as long! Now if I lived on the other side of the school fence, how stupid would that be! We do not use the schools pay huge school taxes and cannot walk my dog on the property. AAGGGGHHHH! Stupid laws. Again do not get me started!! I literally though schools were still off and by the way, found out surrounding school were still OFF!

  3. Cerebrations.biz

    I can't believe I didn't get arrested yesterday, as I whistling in the bathroom, while in DC. And, I guess they made that law in Oregon so you couldn't vote in Chicago and then acquit someone in Portland.

  4. This sounds like the lawmakers must have had a contest of 'who can come up with the dumbest/silliest/etc laws' and then picked the best/worst?? ones to actually be laws! thank you for the laughs Alice..

  5. These are great. No idea where I would even find a Moose let along get close enough to offer him/her some of my Tequila. But thanks for the warnings.

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