first weekly roundup!
In the morning, you wake up to a growling tummy, a meowing cat, and the need to visit the bathroom. It is the same, every day. You look in the mirror briefly because your morning face isn’t what you like seeing. It’s just look, looking like someone snatched you away from your dreams. But you hardly recognize you because you’re so tired and in need of a warm morning beverage. I am not a coffee drinker but I have been told that your decaffeinated morning self isn’t what you want to be, and that, without a good dose of caffeine, you see yourself as…
A Z O M B I E
… with a pet spider. A big, hairy spider that looks as if it wants nothing better than to bite you. Only it really doesn’t bite people. Sure, it’s venomous, but it isn’t dangerous for humans. And Zombies don’t care. But you just woke up and you still don’t know whether you’re a human or a Zombie… Later on, however, when you’re deZombieified, you will remember that a wolf spider is a really great critter to have in your home. Yes, inside. Wolf spiders eat fleas, ants, earwigs, and bedbugs. They are like little exterminators, always on the job and never sending you a bill. So, don’t scream when you see a wolf spider. It’s providing you with a free service!
You’re feeling lazy because you look like a Zombie so you get into your car and to to the nearby coffee and donuts restaurant to get the Policeman’s Favorite meal: coffee and a donut. You try drinking the coffee but it tastes like swill. Which means that you regularly drink swill, which could account for your myriad digestive issues. You decide to give the donut away because you’re already feeling queasy, and it’s not even ten o’clock in the morning.
At the last minute, you decide not to get the coffee and donuts. You had driven by the coffee and donut utopia. And you smelled it down the block. It wasn’t a very pleasant smell so you made up your mind that you’ll just make your own coffee and eat something better than a donut for a late breakfast. And then, you’ll go to the park and hike on the trail because, just maybe, exercise is what you need to get you functional again. The weather has turned chilly but you’ve spent the summer complaining grandly on social media about the heat (translation: whining about the heat), so you’re determined that you will enjoy the chill air on the trail. Unfortunately, it’s raining and windy!!! It’s time to go complain grandly on social media again. It’s fun when your online buddies share in the Grand Complaint session with you.
Oh, but wait. How come your buddies are asking you to be friends yet again on Facebook? How many times do you have to “friend” the same person? Hmm, something fishy. The 21st century version of the Artful Dodger, who was actually a pickpocket, not “artful.”
“Maybe I should write a story about a sailing vessel that traveled to a place because of rumors of buried treasure,” you think. “That would be something to post on social media, for sure. Unless it gets removed by “moderators” (actually, they are bots that are programmed to look for keywords and have no reading comprehension whatsoever) or mysterious “fact checkers” (also bots?????), that claim that your obvious fiction is nonfactual and, therefore, has to be “fact checked” out of existence.
Oh, right, that buried treasure. That gold. Priceless or worthless, depending on your perspective. You started your story. Of course, the cat was meowing again. Feed me, it was saying. I just fed you, you said. Oh, well, maybe that was a few hours ago. It’s time to feed the cat, who was staring at you with that crazed “no one ever feeds me” look that you thought was unique to retriever type dogs. A dogcat. Hmmmm.
And a cookie for you… or two… or three….
More fiction and pictures next week, for the next installment of “Inktober” pictures!!!